Tainted Love
by TheRoyalRocks
Summary: He was married and enviously looked on as she fell in to another man's arms. He had to accept he couldn't have her. Or could he?


**Random fic I finished earlier. Haven't said who is who so be good to find out who people think this is being written about, and it might not be the obvious characters people know I like to write about...  
Wanted opinions and suggestions on where to go before I write anymore tho as I'm a little stuck... Any ideas?  
Thank you x  
**

* * *

**T**he works Christmas Party was normally a fun affair; but not this year, no. Held at a local hotel I'd sulked my way through attempting to eat my meal, sighed my way through the after dinner speeches, and if it wasn't for the fact I was on call that evening I would have been well and truly inebriated by this stage of the night which was 10.37pm and counting as I glanced down at my watch.

As the music thumped away, the drunken chatter amongst staff got louder, and the drink flowed more freely, everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves – except me. I felt a miserable git, more than likely looked one if anyone took the time away from their fun to notice. Rather than revelling in the festivities myself I couldn't help but feel a sense of unhappiness at what had been developing in front of my eyes all evening…

The woman I cared for, the woman I saw as my best friend, the woman I loved, with another man.

With the rest of the staff and their partners merry – unlike me – they were probably unaware of what was developing around them, but as I continued to remain sober I could see everyone around me having more than a good time. Nurses giggling and enjoying themselves; Jeff Goodwin slowly dancing with Meryl Taylor on the dance floor; Ken Hopkirk and Alun Morris propping up the bar, having had more than their fair share of ale; Lizzie swaying from side to side, clutching a barstool looking like she would throw the contents of one too many glasses of champagne up at any point; Mr Rose smoking his pipe sitting quietly in the corner cradling a brandy with his wife at his side whilst Matron and Mr Middleditch joined them.  
And then in another secluded corner of the bar there she sat with _him_.

After a few moments, whatever he said to her, resulted in the first tender kiss of the evening when they thought no one was watching.  
I knew they had been on a few secret dates – drinks at the pub, a meal or two; nothing serious, but tonight it _was_ becoming serious.  
Like a couple of teenagers they couldn't take their eyes off each other. I knew just exactly where he wanted to go with her after the party, it was obvious and it galled me to think he would be so lucky. This, this man, this colleague was a perfect gentleman, a nice guy, a good friend to me as well as her, but it pained me to watch as they got closer and closer, but then they had every reason to do what _they_ wanted.  
They'd become firm friends over the past few months, but tonight the intensity of their friendship had gone up more than another level and undoubtedly by the end of the night it would escalate even further.

"Are we having another drink?" a voice interrupted my own private world as I enviously observed their flagrant romance.  
"Sorry?" I questioned, slowly turning around to face my _wife_ who stood behind me, "What did you say?"  
She laughed; having too much of a good time she didn't mind repeating the question.  
"I said 'are we having another drink?' my glass is empty and I could murder another wine."  
I pretended to listen to her but at the same time as my eyes were indiscreetly reverting back and forth from my wife to the two of _them_.  
"You are away with the fairies tonight so I better get my own drink. Another shandy for you?"  
"Er yeah sure." I stammered seeing the pair of them unexpectedly exit the bar hand in hand. The drink would have to wait, I needed to know if they were leaving together or not. I planted a kiss on my wife's cheek before beginning to scurry away, "I'll be back in a mo, just need a bit of air."  
Quickening my step as not to lose them, I walked out of the bar, through the hotel lobby to the entrance. As I stepped outside the wintry conditions hit me. The temperature was freezing but that wasn't going to stop me in my quest. I didn't want to know, I _needed_ to know if she was leaving with him.  
Locating them across the other side of the road, I hid behind a concrete pillar outside the hotel's entrance, observing the happy couple kiss, caress, laugh, enjoy the moment. He kissed her, she too reciprocating as he held her in his arms before he took off his coat and placed it over her shoulders, which was met with another kiss – her way of showing her gratitude for borrowing his coat to keep warm on this mid-December evening.  
Both drunk and in love they were oblivious to anyone watching them while they were in their own private world.  
Breaking away from their embrace, he hailed a taxi that had pulled up across the road and they both stumbled inside; presumably heading back to his – or hers of course – to consummate their budding relationship no doubt.

I'd missed my chance telling her how _I_ really felt. To her I was her friend and colleague. She never was and never would be mine, not now, not anymore and I had to accept that. I was_ happily_ married in a roundabout way. I loved my wife dearly, however after an extra–marital emotional-charged kiss with this woman who was at the front of my mind six months earlier, I couldn't get her out of my head. She was unaware how I felt deep down but maybe that was a blessing; besides she was beginning a new chapter in her life and I didn't want to spoil it. I knew I had to forget the kiss – and her.

* * *

The illicit kiss six months earlier meant nothing at the time; both overly drunk after one too many champagnes at the Summer Ball. With my wife not attending the evening due to 'a prior engagement' – or so I told everyone. I took it upon myself if I was going alone without her, I'd get drunk on my own. Little did they know we had had an argument before leaving the house which was the reason she had refused to escort me to the Ball.  
As I knocked back drink after drink during the course of the evening I couldn't care less about my wife, which partly lead to me making the drunken mistake I did.  
As I staggered out of the hospital to hail a cab to leave I wasn't alone. Standing on the pavement waiting for a cab there _she_ stood.  
"Had enough?" she drunkenly laughed.  
"Yep." I replied, swaying slightly. The mixture of champagne on arrival, wine with each course, and three – or was it four – whiskies post dinner wasn't a good idea.  
"Great evening – I've drunk far too much. Mr Rose won't take no for an answer when it comes to buying drinks."  
"No he won't, I think he brought me a couple of whiskies." I replied, smiling to myself – maybe the three or four whiskies were in fact four or five.  
Her cab pulled up and she opened the back door.  
"Do you want to share a cab?" she turned back to face me as she climbed inside. "It's no bother."  
"Good idea." I laughed.  
"Where to?" the driver asked after I had closed the door and sat down beside her.  
"9 York Terrace via 6 Mulberry Road first." I instructed the driver, before he acknowledged my instructions and set off.  
"Good night was it?" the driver asked us as the journey commenced.  
"Exceptionally." I answered the driver and he allowed us to chat between ourselves.  
Both of us were more than merry, having had a few drinks too many, and this echoed in our conversation, as we randomly chatted about the evening in our drunken haze.  
"It was a great night." I stated and without thinking about my actions, placed my hand on hers briefly as it rested on the seat in between the two of us.  
The gesture was something I hadn't planned, I just seemed to drunkenly do it; the moment felt right. She wasn't my wife but we were more than friends.  
"It was." She replied, smiling at me, as her fingers entwined mine on the hand that was resting on hers.  
With the amount of alcohol we had consumed I didn't give it a second thought. At first. But I removed my hand from hers nonetheless. We were friends, colleagues first and foremost, albeit it close colleagues and good friends, not a couple.  
The journey continued, both of us continuing to make idle drunken chat about the evening, but we seemed content in each other's company.  
Then, without warning the taxi turned a corner rather sharply and in my drunken unbalanced state I slid towards her slightly, putting us shoulder to shoulder, and soon our hands were more meaningfully entwined. It was all unintentional – a sign of friendship, but a mixture of quite a bit of alcohol too. But as my eyes had met hers – her face inches from mine – I could feel her warm breath as it breezed gently on my skin – and then I raised my other free hand, caressed her cheek with my thumb, the rest of my hand finding the back of her neck, and then our lips gently connected…  
Breathlessly breaking apart moments later as the cab came to a halt outside her house, she moved away from me. I could clearly see she was embarrassed, as was I.  
"I'm sorry." She spluttered, picking up her handbag and fishing in her bag for some money. "My half of the fare." And with that she threw some change towards me and hurried out of the cab.  
And that was all that was said. The sound of the door slamming was realisation that she knew what we had done was a mistake – and it was my wake up call too. Sobriety, guilt, shock all swiftly washed over me.  
We shouldn't have kissed.

The following morning as we danced around the topic of the kiss every time we bumped in to each other in the corridor; instead discussing work issues in a professional manner.  
I decided if we were to continue working together the way we had been before this mistake, we needed to talk. And talk we did over a drink – coffee to be precise – we both blamed it on the alcohol, a one off; something that couldn't be repeated, because I had too much to lose – a wife for a start, as well as my career to think about. And although unmarried herself she couldn't be seen to be fraternising with a married colleague.  
And from that day we hadn't spoken about it, yet it had always been at the back of my mind, but friends suited us both, we were and always would be close friends, but now seeing her with her new suitor I couldn't help but feel envious of him – he had what I couldn't have. I felt sad to think I'd never have her, not now she was him, but that was how it had to be, I couldn't let one kiss ruin my marriage. I had to move on.

* * *

As the taxi pulled away, I sighed, turning round in the anticipation of heading back inside to my wife, however as I looked up as I ascended the steps I was in for a shock. She wasn't inside, instead she stood waiting by the doorway to the hotel.  
"H-hi," I said surprised, "What, what are you doing out here?"  
"I hadn't got any money for the drinks." she mumbled, the effects of one too many glasses of wine clearly visible as she slowly swayed from side to side.  
"Right, sorry." I replied, walking towards her "Let's get back inside, it's freezing out here."  
"Was that who I think it was leave with her new man?"  
The question threw me.  
Had she watched me scrutinise their every move? Had she guessed the reason why I was outside? Or did she believe me when I said I was outside for some air.  
"Erm… I… I don't know…" I began, totally flummoxed. "…was it?"  
"You know it was." My wife laughed.  
"Do-do-did I?" I stuttered.  
"Darling, its sweet you care so much about her, enough to make sure she gets home ok. I know she means a lot to you, but I'm sure this new chap will look after her. She's a grown woman, she can handle herself, she's stronger character than some men I know."  
"Yes, er yes. Sorry." I sighed. "its just she's been messed around far too many times, I just wanted to make sure she was ok. It's not like we know much about this man yet."  
"She'll be fine. Now are we having this drink or not?"  
"Yes, sorry, let's go inside." I held my arm out for drunken wife to take.  
Walking back inside I realised if I wasn't careful I'd lose my wife for someone I couldn't have, over something that should never have happened…


End file.
